The Father of the Groom’s Role

When it comes to planning a wedding, there is no doubt that the parents of the groom can end up feeling like an afterthought. To be sure, most of the attention is focused on the bride and her parents, but that does not mean that the mother and father of the groom cannot be a special part of the wedding, as well. Here, then, is more about the important role that the groom’s father plays at a wedding.

One of the most important things that the father of the groom can do is not written about in wedding etiquette books, nor does it appear on any checklists. His most key job is to offer the support and guidance needed to help his son be not only a wonderful groom, but even more, so an excellent husband. Back in the day, there was much written about the frank talk that the bride’s mother would have with her before the wedding to prepare her for married life, and in particular the wedding night.

These days, it is common knowledge that most brides and grooms are well aware of what goes on between newlyweds, and so this traditional heart-to-heart has gone by the wayside somewhat. But this does not mean that the groom’s father should also abandon the pre-wedding talk with his son. Not too long ago, I witnessed one of these on a tv reality show, and the groom’s father gave him what I thought was a truly sage piece of advice. The young man’s father told him that when he came home from work, his wife was going to want to discuss every detail of their days, no matter how minute. This wise father’s advice to his son was to listen to her (even when he was not at all interested!), because it would show his new wife how much he cared for her and was interested in what she thought.

The father of the groom can also lend his son a hand when it comes to picking out wedding jewelry gifts. Most young men are not accustomed to purchasing gifts of jewelry, and a wedding calls for several. There is a wedding present for the bride, cufflinks or watches for the groomsmen gifts, and perhaps even a special trinket for the groom’s mother. The groom’s father can be a big help by lending the expertise he has gained through years of gift buying to make the task easier for a busy groom.

There are some more concrete things that the groom’s father can do to help make the wedding a success. It is customary for the parents of the groom to host the rehearsal dinner, which is a lovely part of a wedding weekend. In addition, if it is financially feasible, it would be very thoughtful of the groom’s father to offer to help with some of the expenses for the wedding itself, such as the band, or the florist, or the bar. Sometimes the father of the groom might also want to help the groom pay for the honeymoon trip, as well.

How much of a role the groom’s father takes in the actual wedding ceremony depends in part on your family’s customs and heritage. In a Jewish wedding ceremony, it is traditional for the bride to be escorted down the aisle by both of her parents, not just her father. A very nice part of this tradition is that the groom is also escorted by his mother and father. This is a wonderful custom, and is worthy of consideration for inclusion in your wedding no matter what your faith may be. This ritual symbolizes the joining of two complete families by the union of the bride and groom.

In terms of attire, the father of the groom should plan to dress like the bride’s father. If it is a black tie wedding, certainly he would wear a tuxedo. For a less formal affair, a nice dark suit would be appropriate. By all means, make every effort to look as debonair as possible; your son’s wedding is a great excuse to treat yourself to a new suit or a stylish new tie. If the wedding is considerably less formal, perhaps at a beach setting, then a jacket and khaki trousers might suffice, but anything more casual would be too inelegant for the groom’s father.

So you see, the groom’s father does have an important role to play in a wedding. He is never going to be the center of attention (nor does he want to be, in all likelihood), but his efforts are still valuable and appreciated. The father of the groom can really do a lot to help get his son’s new marriage off to a terrific start.