When It Comes to Marriage, It Takes Work

You get dressed up, stand in front of your friends and family, spend an insane amount of money for pictures & food (which you usually can’t take home), and when it’s all said & done, you’re exhausted. Welcome to being married. Now, while this may be a somewhat trite & narrow view at this institution, it is a fitting way of looking how your wedding day, and the process by which you planned your wedding, are pretty analogous.

The chances are you’ve spent a few years with your special someone, and during that time, you’ve shared some significant experiences. Perhaps one of you has landed the job of a lifetime, and all of the things associated with this job mean that your lives will change. The position may entail a higher income, but you’ll have to relocate to another city, state, or country. Couples that are just dating may find that this type of life event just may mean the end of the relationship. Married folks, though, face tougher discussions. What about your spouse’s job? Does the current housing market support buyers or sellers? What are the area schools like? All of a sudden, the idea of ‘we’ really comes into focus, but you rely on your love to carry you through.

You now have in-laws, and though popular media would have you believe that they are a nightmare, the truth is that you’ve become a part of another family based solely on the idea that you love their son/daughter/brother/sister/etc. Once again, the ‘we’ in marriage is in full effect, but then something happens that can test you both — your spouse loses a parent. In an instant, you’ve lost a member of your second family, and you mourn their passing because this person had faith in you to watch over their child forever. However, your spouse lost Mom or Dad, and if they choose to disappear into their own emotions, you may feel completely lost & on the outside looking in. Sometimes being there is all you can do, and sometimes you need to do more. The problem is knowing what that ‘more’ is can be impossible.

Perhaps one of the more neglected parts of being married is the need to maintain the passion of the relationship. Before you tied the knot, you caught each other’s eye. Perhaps you were high school/college sweethearts, and you just knew that you were made for each other. Maybe you’d been in terrible relationships for years & you decided you were done with the dating scene until you met “the one”. Being married didn’t happen overnight, and as such, a long relationship doesn’t just lose its excitement in an instant. You raise a family, maintain a mortgage, worry about finances, and you spend more time looking out for others instead of being keen on keeping the spark alive. Make time for each other. Set-up a date night. Buy flowers for no reason at all.

Love can be somewhat easy; it’s marriage that takes work.